Assorted Life Updates

an unfiltered buffet of everything I've left out recently

It’s been weeks and weeks since I’ve posted anything on Substack, and I wish I had a clearer reason as to why. The truth is, I’m in a liminal space online, at the moment. As you probably know, I started my coaching business a year ago this month (on June 7, happy birthday to me and my coaching career! We are 38 and 1.) I embarked on a whirlwind first year of serving over 30 clients in life coaching. (More on that later)

In that time I started a coaching newsletter, because it felt misaligned to turn this space (Substack) into a full-fledged business space. But then it felt strange to have two “newsletters” going so. . .I haven’t been totally sure HOW to handle it, honestly!

Regardless, this felt like the truest place to take a moment to share more expansively about what’s been happening in my life in the last year. For a long while, my life was charted in my mind as before the divorce and after - in many ways it still is. But three years out from it all, I’m feeling the brain terrain shifting, and that’s been both wonderful and disorienting.

I’ve really identified deeply with what divorce shaped me into. I’ve had to reckon with what that looks like for me moving forward - who am I once I’ve weathered divorce and the storm has passed (because it has)? Can I fully embrace the after and let the before lie? Should I let the before lie? That’s been tricky to carve out. Trickier than I thought.

And in the midst of all that, this year has been a wild force of everything under the sun. I was (am!) finding my footing in a totally new scene of self-employment that required a completely new self-concept in ways, while also having two very not little kids (middle school and third grade!) and negotiating an early end to my spousal support (the things I wish I could tell you about more thoroughly online, lord have mercy). But I did it, and three years out from ending a near 13 year marriage, I am spousal support free.

But there has been so much more. My partner’s close family had some health issues that has been difficult and required him to travel out of the country (sometimes I go with him) while our senior dog began showing signs of age that led to what we think was a stroke; he abruptly fell all the way apart this spring and needed to be euthanized. We had three days of quietly mourning with him before we took him in, and it felt like being a death doula, only I wasn’t ready at all (are we ever?) and like I was in a nightmare where I was playing the capable adult.

Losing the dog alone felt like it threw us into a vortex of disorientation. In the midst of that, my dad was diagnosed with multiple heart conditions that not only drastically shifted his quality of life but scared the bejeezus out of us and required some trips up to Michigan on the fly to be with him. I wasn’t prepared to watch my parents age while also trying to protect them from seeing how absolutely broken I feel about it. We are all squaring up with the knowledge that this condition has changed his quality of life and future.

And of course before any of that had started, I had gotten a permit to renovate a space in my home (truly, LOL to the timing) to create an apartment space to rent, so we were juggling contractors tracking through the house, ordering and storing supplies and logistical headaches with the city. And my kids separate sports activities, and choir performances, and school projects, while my partner had back to back trips to Asia during Maycember, and, and, and, and…

Needless to say, I’ve been in a personal tornado of overwhelm and unexpected trips and expenses, trying to juggle so many things and feeling, in some way shape or form, as if I am always falling short, and as if the hounding grief of death and loss is always just one step behind me and nipping at my heels.

At the same time, I cannot even find ANY of the words needed to tell you how robust, how colorful, beautiful, and DEEP the love and joy in my life are right now. I wake up and just. . . can’t believe it. Even while things I can’t control cause chaos around me, I feel a deeply rooted sense of yes to the pieces I’ve had a say in arranging. I feel strong, supported, loved. My partner and I just took the kids on a family vacation to Michigan and the whole time I was just like, this is it. This is the life I KNEW was possible for me but had to get to by faith.

And then, coaching. Coaching! Establishing a brand new business. I can’t wrap my head around the number of clients I’ve had the honor of working with. I feel that I have finally landed in a place meant for me. I know deeply that my work is to share, express, and teach, as many obstacles as I’ve had along the way with that over the past decade online.

It’s been unspeakably fulfilling to do that work with women. The amount of transformation I’ve been able to take part in honestly has taken me to (happy) tears more times than I can even count. I have seen tangible leaps in growth in my clients, and had them give me feedback at the end of our time like this:

“I can confidently say that working with Jolie for two 3 month containers was much more productive as far as learning resilience techniques than all of the years of therapy I’ve paid for in the past. Jolie also sends back great organized notes, feedback and homework.” - Sofia

“I had hoped at the time that it would be a worthy investment, and looking back now I can easily say it’s seriously one of the best investments I’ve ever made. Period. It was such a pivotal experience for me, start to finish. You don’t just talk the talk, you actually walk it and live it and share about it with others without trying to first curate the messiness of life out of it, and you do it all in a way that makes people feel seen. Best of all, you taught me how to do that, for my own self.” - Brie

and

“I finally got tangible tools that I have seen make a difference in my life. Thank you so much. This has been a life-changing experience for me. I am so thrilled, truly.” -Sarah

The feedback has been so good that my partner was reading through my testimonials page and told me I should start asking my clients to record voice or video reviews instead of written, as people will think I am making the written ones up. (LMAO, I hadn’t considered that but…I’m not making anything up, I promise.)

At the same time, the last 6 months of my personal life have felt all consuming, and it’s been hard to keep up with the marketing end of my work (real talk.)

So that is where my new coaching newsletter has come in (you can subscribe for free here) and the other things I’ve done like recently host a free workshop teaching material I work with my private coaching clients on — this first workshop was about where to begin with creating sustainable change. You can watch it here! The password to view it is: sMn$pcS4

If you are thinking of taking the leap into coaching, there is a promotion going in the month of June that is mentioned at the beginning and end of the workshop linked above. You can also DM or email me if you want to hear more, or sign up for a (free) call with me to talk about what coaching looks like and if it feels like the right time and fit for you.

So that’s a wrap on the novela of my life update — I am now in Mexico again visiting family and, of all things, picking up a puppy we were fated to bring home (maniacal laughter as I exit left)

Love to you all!

Forever in your corner,

Jolie